Christmas + Habibi

I'm really disappointed.

It's already difficult for me to spend Christmas away from my parents and my sisters, and it had to be even worst as Habibi seemed not to give a shit about it. We fought again, this time in Christmas eve.

My older sister couldn't come to Skype last night - she lives in Luxembourg with her husband, 1yo son and 10yo step daughter -  which was already bad, as she was with her husband's family and unable to spend Christmas with us. So my parents and younger sister were by themselves at home, with no spirit at all.

Back in London, I worked until 7pm, Habibi until 9pm. I came home and put on Christmas songs while secretly redecorating our place in a very very warm way, which I hoped Habibi would like.

He came home and found an amazing new place, warm and beautiful, big and comfortable bed and an all new environment. Everything was lovely. Except for his face, as he was "tired", which I understood. I told him I just wanted him to forget everything during this evening and be happy, as it was family's eve.
I went for shower and came back quickly to start cooking the traditional Christmas food from my country - no turkey!
Out of nowhere we started a fight on why we celebrate Christmas - me trying to explain that for us, in my country, and in a lot of other countries, it's not about "Jesus Christ" anymore, it became a cultural family occasion; Habibi playing smart saying that it is definitely about Jesus Christ and that I cannot change that. It went on.
I thanked him for the "effort" made to understand my culture and habits. I didn't accept his arguments as he doesn't even celebrate Christmas - because Muslims are not supposed to - and me, I'm always interested in understanding is culture and learning more from him.
I always feel he is not interested in doing the same for me.

Well whatever, I was doing all by myself, while he was seating doing is cigarette and not even caring about helping me in this special occasion. He went out to smoke, and came back 1 hour later - when everything was mostly finished and Skype already on - with that weird drunk/high-like face that I don't appreciate a little. I was trying to understand what to expect from him, with no success.

We fought a bit more. We sat down to eat while talking to my family. The food was good, he loved it, me too. He seemed to become happier bit by a bit as we talked to our family. We opened the presents, lots of cute things from my mom for our home. I offered him a Superman T-shit, to show him what he means to me (most of the time); he offered me a big and fluffy Lady - from Disney movie Lady and the Trump - which he knows I love.

In the end, after finished our time with my family, he put on that dark face again and restarted the fight. It always ends up the same way: me being the stupid girl who does everything wrong. He is never guilty of anything. I'm always the one who did this and that and who doesn't know how to do things.
In the end of the conversation I don't care anymore. Honestly I'm sick of this differences between us and specially sick of this lack of appreciation for the effort I've done all this time for us - and for him - knowing that I'm the one who can offer best conditions and make as safe in this country.

Anyway I don't know what else to say. Yesterday I felt like it's over. Today I still feel weak and cold, but in the meanwhile he talked to his friends on the phone, and came to tell me that as this is a special occasion for me, he would like for us to be happy and enjoy it. Ok, it was a good move.
Let's see.

Take care,