Coincidence from Hell? - My Ex!

I'm still in shock, I can't stop thinking about it.

Last Thursday, 11th December, I was working as normal in what happened to be a very quiet day in the shoes store where I work. I was in charge of the front floor, next to the entrance, where I NEVER work, I'm always in charge of women's section, in the top floor. But thi
s time there I was.

In the middle of the afternoon, with no customers to serve, I got distracted with something else, when I noticed 3 young males coming in and staring at the shoes. I decided to go and offer them my help, as I am expected to do. I heard them talking, they were from my country! YEAY, exciting!
I was actually 3 meters away when I saw the
face of one of them.
Oh no! No no no!
My heart started beating faster and faster. Breathing became difficult, I started hyperventilating.

It's Kevin, my "ex".

I met him when I was 18 (he 23), while living in Lisbon, where I lived for 1 and a half year, through winter and summer, becoming the city of my heart and the only place on Earth I regret not to live in. The best period of my life, beside my unemployment and inability to study by then.


My relationship with Kevin was never easy. He was always busy with is office job and his football team's meetings - he is the brother of a famous football player from one of the biggest teams in my country, my team since I was with him - and me still rebel, jumping from Lisbon to my parent's house in my home town, far away, and with many many problems to solve, which would take a lot of time and money.

Tons of reasons separating me from him. Plus, we just met a few times, the rest was all shared through calls and messages. Even today I cannot explain why I carry such a strong feeling for him. It's not logical!; But I do, and I suffer for not have been able to share myself with him.

To be honest I never really trusted him. He has that bad boy attitude most of the time that made me not comfortable to open up to him, showing my dreams and weaknesses. Also I always had the sensation of him being kind of a playboy, flirting with girls or whatever, which I must admit is normal, he was single anyway.

However there were a couple times I felt he really liked me but he didn't want to show it. One of them was the last time I saw him, it was May of 2013. We were in the car and I told him I was going to London in September.
"Oh, to visit?" , he asked.
"No, to live permanently."

Stupid, I know. I'm aware that I'm responsible for what happened to me. Maybe he is part responsible
as well. But destiny and the circumstances of when I met him, to them I have to thank all my hurt!
I was not supposed to have him in my life. Unfortunately.

Now I have Habibi, and I'm still thinking about it all again. It's not fair. I should just be happy with him. That's it.

See you soon,