I don't really know how to write this post, but I feel like I have to talk about it. It 's a very deep part of my life at the moment, so there's no way I can keep going without bringing this to the blog.
Me and Habibi have been always on and off, lots of issues going on, and it actually came to an end.
I am crying as I write this post, because I am not sure how I'm going to do through this.
I have never given myself so deeply as I did with him. I gave all my heart, I gave both my strongest and my weakest sides, even knowing that I wasn't feeling 100% safe about our future.
The fact that he is a Muslim didn't help at all. In fact that is one of the main reasons why we are splitting. He says he wants to go deep in his religion and apparently I am not a good wife for a Muslim man. Because I still use tight jeans, because I want to see my friends once in a while, because I want to keep going to the beach and wear a bikini, or whatever. He says he can't stand that and for that reason he has to go away.
I hate him so much. For the first time I hate Islam. I've never felt this before, but I'm completely upset with this side that he is showing - zero tolerance. And I understand that it might not be something easy to accept, but I also know how much I hate be looked down upon.
I might not be the most perfect woman alive. I might have 1 thousand physical issues and other 2 thousand psychological torments, but I am still a very good hearted person who just wants to be loved and protected. And there's nothing wrong with that!!
Actually, and this is specially for you Habibi, at this point I hate you so much! I hate you so much I can die right now. But I won't. In fact I will be much more than you made me.
And if you have been holding me back and stopping me from dancing for all this time, here's the promise: I will be a dancer!
And when you'll see me dancing, you will know I am dancing specially in your name.
Wherever you will be, you will hear about me. And I hope you gonna regret it.
See you soon,
Hey lovely -- I know you're hurting right now, I can see that in your words, however see this break up as a blessing. A bird should never be caged - and never by it's own doing. More often than not this is unfortunately the case.
ReplyDeleteYou say you have never given yourself so much to someone before so the pain you are going through is going to hurt for a long time. However I implore you to give yourself wholly to someone again straight away - yourself. Focus on surrounding yourself with your own love and the love of others.
It's going to be tough path to path for a while - however at least you no longer have shackles restricting you from being the complete and awesome you.
Love, hope and zen to you.
Mark x
Oh Mark thank you so much for this comment. You always have the best words in the best moments!
ReplyDeleteI don't know how I'm gonna do it through this to be honest. And it is even worst that I am in London by myself. I have a few friends but only 1 or 2 really good and close friends. So it makes it difficult to handle such a hard a moment like this.
Also I love him and I have so good memories. It's impossible to just forget it.
But well, I guess it will be a new chapter in my life and I will have to face it, as soon as I get over this.
Perhaps I will end up thanking him for leaving me.
Thank you so much! x
I've just come across your blog and post completely by accident on Twitter. This sounds like the relationship wasn't very healthy. You need to be your own person, free to do say and wear whatever you like. You will be very that this has happened in the long term I can promise you that. Keep your head up this sounds like a blessing in disguise. Much love, Deimante
ReplyDeletewww.sunnydei.com
Hi Deimante!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment, it means a lot.
You're right, our relationship ends up not being that healthy, even if we are so cute a careful about each other. There is love between us and we take care of each other, but when it goes to serious matters, it doesn't go well at all.
I start to understand that I might have to take control over my life once more, and focus in what I want to do with it.
It's hard to say goodbye though, he is my first partner, and I'm completely devoted to him now.
But that's true, as you said this sounds like a blessing in disguise. Or maybe the opposite, this relationship might be a nightmare dressed like a day dream.
Thanks once more, and I'll definitely follow your blog. I completely loved it!
Nour
I'm so sorry to hear this! Going through a break up can be tough, I'm sure the religious aspects didn't make it easy either. Lovely blog babe, mines katylouise1.wordpress.com .. Keep smiling hun :) xxx
ReplyDeleteKaty Louise, yes... I've had breakups before, but I never had a real relationship like this one, that have gone so far, so this has a complete different meaning.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah the religious aspects were very complicated, but I cannot find it. In the end it will be Me or the religion, and I can never make him chose!
Thank you for the comment, I'll check your blog hun!
Hugs*
Hey lovely one
ReplyDeleteIt's awful you are going through this, break ups feel like they tear the entire world apart and swallow the sun. Time will help, but so will focus. Look to things you can enjoy fully and selfishly now, you mentioned dancing - go dance.
It sounds as though you weren't his first consideration and that is no way for a relationship to be. Whether it's people, religion or career that gets put first, if he doesn't accept you because of his own prejudices then you may find you are better without him.
It's all so cliché but time will heal, you can be better alone and this will help you grow stronger.
Always here if you want a chat.
Tammi xx
Hi Tammi!
ReplyDeleteYour are completely right, I can't be always giving up of my own things and my own thoughts when I feel like I am not his first consideration. If his religion is at first place and I'm not even compatible with it, then I cannot expect something else other than he leaving me for good.
If that's what has to happen, then be it!
I must be a bit selfish now and focus in what I want to do.
Thank you for your words dear Tammi! <3 x